Twilight Series Review

This is one of those blog entries that are so long you think "Is it worth my time to read it?" Hopefully the headings will let you pick out what interests you.

Spoiler Alert:
If you haven't read the book, you may want to do so rather than reading this and spoiling the story. I am glad that my wife and daughter didn't ruin the story for me. There were plenty of surprises.

I know I am not the only guy who has read (I listened to Eclipse and most of Breaking Dawn on audio), but I had some definite views that may be different than most of the audience.

Images:
I should start out with what I liked (with appropriate related criticism). I liked the descriptive narrative. She brought things to life and made I liked the analogies. I like it when you read something so good that you play it back in your head or make the face that the person described.

Emotions:
I think she also captured some real emotions (though some were more exaggerated than I thought they should have been, more on that later). It makes me wonder how many times Ms. Meyer has been dumped. I imagine at least once considering the depths of Bella's sorrow (that didn't sound very manly).

Supernatural:
The supernatural stuff was pretty cool. I liked the vampire abilities especially some of the special abilities. I also liked how they changed their chances in a fight. The ability to move ultra fast created some unique abilities that I never thought of. It also made me wonder what I would do with myself if I could move ultra fast and never sleep.

The werewolves ability to hear each other's thoughts was cool as well. I also liked the social and emotional problems that it caused outside of the fights. Reminds me of having a mission companion for two years.

Surprises:
There were some twists that I didn't foresee in this series. I didn't see Edward leaving. The Volturi were refreshing antagonists to the whole Jacob vs Edward thing. I was surprised about Bella getting pregnant. I did foretell Jacob imprinting on Renesmee (the name combining is a very Mormon thing though I am told they sort of do it in the south).

Pre-Marital Sex:
I was also pleased that Bella was married before she had sex. I was disappointed that Bella didn't want to get married and portrayed that only losers get married in their teens. I think that it is bad to get married too young but it is "better to marry than to burn" (Paul said that somewhere in the Bible). She made it sound like it was too embarrassing to get married but it was OK to have sex before you are married.

Some have criticized Breaking Dawn for being pornographic. I am a guy and I am sure that I am much more callused than the fairer sex but no body parts were mentioned. I think you have to keep in mind that newly weds like to have sex. Perhaps Bella could have tingled less (reminds me of The Church Lady on Saturday Night Live) and the headboard could have been spared but it was more mellow than it could have been.

Female Emotions:
To be honest, I don't think I would have finished the series if it hadn't been for the hype and my daughter and wife being into it. The female angst was way too much to take. I am wondering how accurate a view this was into the post-pubescent female psyche (now this has become a pornographic and offensive to women). I thought Bella thought way too little of herself and should have found a backbone, some self image, and some self-worth. If a guy asks you out on a date, you are good enough for him. You make him self-conscious by worrying about it. At the same time you shouldn't think to much of yourself but there was none of that in this book (except for maybe the Volturi who were properly self-conceited).

I have been divorced but the depths of despair Bella plunged into was way to much. I wanted to burn the book (erase the file) just to end her (and my) suffering. It was a good advertisement for why getting serious before you are 18 is a mistake but she was clearly co-dependent. The first thing Edward should have done when he got back was taken Bella to a good shrink, then he should have booked the next available appointment for himself.

I must say, as depressing as Bella was in the book, the Bella in the movie is even worse (I can't tell if it is over-acting or bad acting, it doesn't make a difference). I hope they got a good contract with her. Maybe we will get to see her smile in the last movie.

I also want to know if women really are that eager for two men to fight over them. I also found it annoying that she was so desperate to be friends with guy who loved her. Let him go, I don't care how much you miss Edward. Send him a nice fruit basket for Christmas.

Ripping off the Classics:
I was glad that Ms. Meyers at least quoted her source for some of these.books. The Romeo and Juliet story (New Moon) was too parallel and to reliant on the story. The allusions to Wuthering Heights was similar as well. The other hundreds of pages story justified it but the references seemed like it would be better to just read the original. At least she got her money's worth from her English Lit degree.

Sequels:
I am waiting for the other shoe to fall. It was the perfect setup for the sequels which will probably come when Mrs. Meyers runs out of the millions she has earned. I think I will wait for the movies for any sequels.

Conclusion:
Thanks for suffering through my rantings and I apologize especially to family and friends who bore through this just to not offend me. I am jealous that I can't write as well as Meyers. I certainly lack the patience that it must take to read for hours and re-read and correct what I have done. You will probably be able to tell I probably won't read and correct this. As for blogging, I think it is cheap therapy. Thanks for listening. Send me the bill.